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Parental ACQ

Working in childcare has done a whole lot for me. Perspective wise I have so much more insight on myself as an individual, I see more clearly the process of so called “maturity” and I get very firsthand evidence on exactly why my lineage might very well stop at me.

Here’s why: today I had to change a diaper. Now, nothing is weird or wrong with this in and of itself however, there are several sensitive factors to be considered. For privacy purposes, let us suppose that the child’s name is Burger and on this day, Burger wound up doing the inevitable. Shitting himself in the swimming pool.

Now, let us clap it up for this guy's under garment brand of choice because not a smidge escaped his person. Leaving the entirety of the mess firmly in place for me. 'Burger' is the type of gentleman that has yet to learn how to take care of his sensitive areas and therein is where the chaos begun. I do not get paid for this particular scenario however, it was one of those situations that just quite literally fell into my hands.

Not only did he not know how to wipe after I offered to assist in changing him, he didn’t know how to change. The word diaper was used earlier as more of a visual as you can see now that I’m not dealing with a baby. After many minutes of failed miming to him what he should be attempting to do, the horrendous sound of other children entering the premises began to swell. I didn’t know what I should do but I know I could not allow other gremlins to witness this mishap that could prove disastrous.

Gloves were put on. Bile was brought up. Delicates were removed and from within them, a cricket ball sized unit was discovered. I was so close to quitting on that very day. The rest of the clean up was a blurry nightmare. I ended my shift and just lay curled up on the cold floor for three minutes or maybe it was three days, who knows.

I later learned that 'Burger' apparently enjoys a game where he prefers to hold his BM until breaking point. A very twisted kind of roulette for a rugrat and one that both impressed that he can actually hold it in and disturbed that he would want to.

Stories like this exist and some of us still signed up? What else should I be ready for this week?

Submitted by Keegan Boisson-Yates

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