A lot gets said on behalf of children who grow up amongst tough circumstances. Tragic victims of growing up too fast and having their childhood shortened. I empathize with the youth and those among us who can relate to that however, I am not one of them. Presently, I am facing what I consider to be the inverse battle. I’m actively being robbed of my adulthood.
“When will I grow up?” I catch myself reading and re-reading the quote as I come across it in several different entries in my own journal. Reliving cringe occurrences in horror it has become a memoir on why I still do not have a job - spanning the last four years at least. This is absolutely not what I signed up for when I was born and for sure not when I turned 18. At least not from what I can remember anyway.
Is it just me or were the adults more adult when I was 11? Grown-ups in my life seemed so certain and competent when I was a yute. I was fully invested in that being part of my future. Decision-making? Sounds cool. Going where I wanted, when I wanted? Hell YEAH! AUTONOMY? Yes, please. These days all I can muster is the courage to eat squeezable apple sauce and watch Pink Panther re-runs. I day-dream more than I ever did and responsibility makes me nauseous. Up to now I still can’t spell "Morgauge" correctly, let alone afford one and, I hate dictionaries as well as follow-up research and being wrong.
When does it become easy to decide what to make for dinner and also, who has the energy to do so more than once a week? Some of you folks are out there making those kinds of decisions for yourself AND others and it would behoove me to know the secret. Do share.
Usually, I prefer not to ask because accountability is horrendous and communication is beyond exhausting but time is growing thin. My maturity seems to be stunted, oscillating between the humours of 5-13 year old me, becoming more infantile each week and with none of the physical stamina maintained. I may not survive the next time I’m asked about my career or future plans, so please, if you or a loved one knows any tips on how to grow up just a little they would be more than welcomed here!