You know, I have a particular outfit that messes with my confidence. I really like it. A lot. It has pockets goddammit!!! But, we just cannot seem to get along!
I have tried everything. Different accessories, new shoes, wore a hat, ditched the hat, paired it with a new handbag, belt, suspenders, #vicksvaporrub, sunglasses, long lasting lipstick, changed my diet, rearranged my furniture, renovated my home....yet...we are both so uncomfortable with each other.
I wish clothes would speak up (appliances and furniture too, but I'll save that for another time). I've been championing this move for years.
Akin to buyers remorse, I am pretty sure clothes feel a sense of regret when they are sort out by someone not essentially built for them, you know. For Christ sake, say something. Do something. Don't just have us both uncomfortable and full of remorse. Ok, let's be honest, a good sale can be V..E..R..Y convincing. Admittedly, I have bought stuff I didn't need or even liked for that matter just because the price was too delicious to resist. You too, so don't judge me.
This is my suggestion. How about each time we take an item to the fitting room, it changes colour in protest. Like a mood ring. It sounds far fetched but stay with me. The change in 'mood' is subtle and very private. The final decision is yours but the item has the right to 'protest' at any point and that may take the form of a busted zipper, broken shoe heel or ripped skirt in front of your boss! Or, you can choose to return the item to the attendant and find your 'solemate' (see what I did there?). Your call.
Look, no one could have predicted that in 2020 we would all be quarantined, hoarding toilet paper, practicing social distancing and googling 'masks with straw openings', so don't turn your nose up at my idea.
Look out for my 'New summer 2035 collection'.
