Stop the sauntering in Sawgrass Mills Mall. Please.

Look, if you're in the mood for a stroll go to the zoo, or......perhaps the park or maybe consider one of the many beaches but, DO NOT maunder through Sawgrass Mills Mall (The Mills) pondering life and your many failed attempts at being proactive: It is simply not the place.


The Mills is the I95 of malls. Keep. it. moving. people.


Here's my unsolicited advice. Take your idle self to a Kohls! Any Kohls. The aisles are wide and empty enough to zig zag your dispirited self. I do it! Don't get me wrong I love Kohls, it's where I go to putter around looking for deals or when I find myself succumbed to ennui. Also, the Kohls demographic never seem to be in a hurry to put their $10 Kohls cash to use. The Ninja Nutri-blender will be there when they are good and ready!


The Mills, on the other hand, is where you go to get your steps in if your gym is overcrowded or your gym membership is up OR Sawgrass IS your gym.


A few days ago I was almost clotheslined by a couple holding hands and skipping through THE MILLS. It's an alligator-shaped mall for Pete's sake! Would you hold hands and skip through the everglades? Exactly my point.


So the next time you find yourself in THE MILLS remember our little 'chat'.


Avoid The Mills unless you are geared up and ready for battle.

Long strides, elbows bent to an 85° angle and keep a straight line.

Avoid eye contact and Keep. It. Moving.

And if you see me.....do not approach.



Happy Shopping.





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