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Don't let the cat out the bag

Updated: Nov 19, 2019

By Kristen Maikoo

I'm not a cat person...I hear the gasp, people... I know in this age of endless cat videos, it’s a shocker…And please, let’s not get #PETA involved!

Cats have their own week!?!?! (Click link)

Huh? EllenDeGeneres may not like the sound of this…But an entire week? Sorry in advance, Ellen. Now, look, I've held cats before and they're cute—sometimes—but when I hold them, I wonder "Is this okay? Is the cat okay with this?" I tuck their legs in, try to cradle them, and stroke their fur lovingly. I set them on my lap so they can lie there, but some of ‘em will be polite—even the most chill ones—and they'll get up on their little paws, like "Mm, no, not you.

I was at a cat adoption event the other day, looking at kittens I couldn't adopt because my family just sees them as squirmy, slinky, suspicious creatures with fur, which they are. Someone else there said that his mom didn’t like cats. "She doesn't even like people," he said. So…in conclusion, she'd be the perfect cat person. Have you noticed that? Cat people will snuggle 'em, put their fur up to their faces, kiss their asses, and then look at other people with suspicion like, “Who are you? I don't know where you've been.”

Then there's this polarization with cats and dogs. You're either a cat person or a dog person. People used to ask me if I had any pets and we’d talk about the eating, the sleeping, the playing, the walks, the smells, the scratching at the door, the moving stuff around. And I'd tell them he's 10 and he'll be starting middle school soon. Sometimes you gotta improvise when you got a little brother instead of the puppy you specifically asked for.

Humans and cats shed. On clothes, in the home…in your esophagus? My friend said she became partial to her cat’s hair since unknowingly ingesting it. Yeah. Unknowingly ingesting it. People get real close with their cats. It’s like they eat cat hair so they can turn into a cat one day, like Spider-Man. Then they could be selective without explaining themselves, either hissing or cuddling with people. They’d call you crazy, but you’d still do what you want—maybe these cat people are on to something…

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