Updated: Oct 18
There have been days I've questioned my worth. Days I have had self-doubt for breakfast, lunch and dinner: Even indulged a little during snack time just to keep my self-loathing levels consistent.
I think that's pretty normal, right? Well, even if it isn't I stand by my dietary choices.
I've never been one to think of myself as the best. Never. Don't get me wrong, I never thought I was the worst either. I guess I thought I was just out here doing the Lord's work (some may disagree and that's okay).
In fact, I'll take it a little further. I never even thought I was good enough. The truth is I never gave it much thought.
You see before getting into the entertainment industry I donned many hats in the corporate world, from administrative manager to underwriting assistant. In corporate it is easy to hide behind the company's policies. If the public wasn't happy with the organization, that had nothing to do with me. When I was off the clock I was OFF THE CLOCK. Contractually I was entitled to sick leave, vacation leave, casual leave, maternity leave, leave of absence, leave-me-alone, leave-it-for-another-day... the list goes on.
Today I AM my own brand and let me tell something to you! I am always on the clock. Honestly, I am the clock! Ticking and everything.
When I made the decision to start comedy, I wasn't thinking about money at all. I wanted a chance to make people laugh: An opportunity to tell my stories. That's it.
You see, growing up, every end of term report would outline that I was too talkative. Too disruptive. Too playful.
I love to laugh. I love the sound of laughter. I loved pranks (pranks are too exhausting now).
If that's the definition of disruptive, I guess I am guilty as charged.
At the start of my career I answered every call I got to perform. Didn't even ask about payment. You will love this...even believed people when they said they didn't have a budget and was trying to help me 'get my name out there'. Hahahahhahaha...I know right?!?!?! The funny thing is, often times when they eventually 'had the budget' they would hire someone else. The NERVE!
Listen, I would cuss in my mind (sometimes out loud, which by the way can be very therapeutic) and move on.
I think inherited my mum's sense of humour. She was hilarious. I don't think she ever set out to be funny; she just was. She said the funniest shit. I remember how upset she would get if I bought groceries for the house. Lawd she was so full of pride! She'd be like...'What? Then you'll be monitoring to see what I eat in my own house? No thank you! Save your money, build a house, with a kitchen so you can move out of mine! Then you can buy all the groceries you need. Mum was an anomaly.
Today, I have come to accept that I do have a gift. One that I can share with the world. Yeah, the whole world. I remember thinking it impossible to entertain and enlighten Non-Trinis. Feeling very insecure that my gift must be 'unwrapped' in a particular location and in specific way for it to be appreciated.
No it doesn't.
My gift can be shared with anyone willing and ready to receive it.
I am thankful that I discovered my gift. That I do not have to box myself in. I love that I get to share my journey with so many talented people who are also not afraid to share their gifts with the world. Okay, let me rephrase that, who, in spite of their fears, show up and share their gift with the world.
Last Friday and Saturday I performed at https://www.villaintheater.com/ ! It's one of my favourite places to perform. They continue to give me opportunities to get on the stage and grow as an artist and show me nothing but love and respect. In return, I try to do the same.
I felt like I had a breakthrough moment (pretty sure I'll experience that feeling again; it's like a growth spurt!). Something felt differently. I had a moment.
If you haven't discovered your gift, don't give up. Breathe and trust. Sometimes people are shocked to learn that I pray so much because I cuss so much (I've mentioned this before) but time and place yo! I can't imagine this journey without my faith. Look, I am not telling you what to do. I am sharing my journey and what worked for me.
I met this lady who said she met with a 'medium' who advised her to pour curdled milk on her head and apply a papaya and honey paste to her face while standing on the beach during the full moon to help her get through it. Do you boo boo do you! (I don't recall the type of milk so please, no further questions)
My relationship with God is personal. We chat on a higher level, yuh know. Our conversations are not your usual small talk exchange. We VIBE for real for real. Put it this way...God knows I cuss 😉.
Last Friday and Saturday felt like I was doing something right and good.
Tickets for my both shows are still available. Hope to see you there!
Also, scan this and do the thing!