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Please...Take that shower, use that soap, dodge those articles when you can.

A lot of you do not know this and even more of you will not care, but I still feel obliged to share.

This particular piece is part subject matter and part response to my editor. Around three weeks ago I was working diligently on a story about “opt-in illiteracy” - breaking my back to get it to print on time. By the end of the stint, which had already resulted in me doubling up my therapy regimen, my piece was overlooked and I was thrown back to the wolves with nothing but a memo reading: do better.

Today I Rail Against The Keyboard out of desperation. We are currently THREE ( or FOUR?) weeks deep into celebrity shower habits covering and congesting most of the news cycle and I’m just like… but why? It’s getting to the point where I would vote yes on censorship. WHOM is this for? I don’t even have hair left to pull out.

Perhaps I’m wrong but it seems like there are more than a few important things going on in the world to keep up with and it would be pleasant if the various sources from which I seek out intelligent dissemination wasn’t frighteningly littered with literary landmines about the varying levels of hygiene and health habits displayed by the wealthy. Whatever they do is up to them and quite frankly, I would prefer if it also remained unrelatable.

Giving us normal folks, any ideas involving less regular washing should be criminalized because what if I end up having to share some kind of personal space with an under the influence non-showerer? WHAT IF?!?!?! It’s simply selfish. Hazardous, even.

To the reporters who put themselves through college level debt only to find yourself in your industry writing non-stop about mustiness, I hope that mentally and emotionally you know peace. To the people reading and inspired by the #Kutchers and the #Shephards of the world, please quit. We must not take for granted the resources in abundance. Take that shower, use that soap, dodge those articles when you can.

Stay blessed.

Submitted by XOKEEGS

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